Deity, Humanity, Differing Economic Models...

I don't speak for many people, but I know that removing myself from a merit-based economy of salvation is not as easy as one might suspect...

We are bred to understand transactions as being equitable. Or at least two-sided if not fair. And as my cosmology glances upon these ideas, I've been challenged on a couple of different levels.

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In the last year I have transitioned from being a full-time and reasonably well-paid and respected carpenter to being a stay-at-home dad. When I was working I perceived myself as a dutiful, hard-working, value-adding member of the work force, doing my part in the "big-scheme" to add to society, to bear the man's portion of the curse in an admirable and grace-filled way. I would suffer (not silently mind you, but with dignity) the thorns, and bring home the daily bread that Our Father had provided us by my work. And giving up my employment has required me to understand myself, to identify myself, in an entirely new kind of way. That has been a challenge.

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As a child, I was taught that good behavior merits reward, respect, and privilege. That bad behavior earned punishment, reproof, and often a fine of some sort was levied and paid. MY actions would dictate and ultimately decide my fate.

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In church, I've been told that God wants me to be truthful, honest, to never cease in prayer, to always turn my cheek to my persecutors, and then to pray for them, to give up not *only* my coat, but also my shirt, and then not to ask for them back, to give freely, to give up myself, to take up my cross, to forsake my father and mother, and finally to be perfect as God is perfect.

Jesus himself tells us that no man who is angry with his brother understands God, and he will never inherit or even enter the kingdom of God.

You know, if a person didn't know any better, or investigate any deeper, he might think that these are performance expectations that must be met, and once met will be rewarded with VIP, red-carpet treatment upon arrival at "the pearly gates."

But in other recorded passages, Jesus says "my burden is easy and my yoke is light." His closest friends, who spent years of their lives sleeping under the stars with Him, sharing meals with Him, walking mile after mile with Him, tell us that we need only believe and call on His name to be saved...

Sometimes the Bible seems confusing.

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Sometimes, I think the problems, the answers, the conversations that actually happened between Jesus and the people that were constantly around Him, are so easy, so simple, so...typically human, that we can't accept them, and look past the most obvious possibilities in favor of something more...well, complicated. Something that is more befitting (danger!) divinity?

But worse than that...sometimes we make God himself, as Creator and Judge, who is holy and wholly pure, too human!

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I find it entirely too difficult to understand my *salvation* as being "free". I certainly would struggle to separate my forgiveness and good standing with a perfect God apart from my own daily actions. Lucky for me, understanding and benefitting are not symbiotic necessities.

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I actually read the bible very seldom. It's hard for me to get past it's "bookish-ness." It has over the years been too close to a text book, I'm afraid. About 3 years ago, I started listening to audio bibles, and it has transformed my faith. It has transformed my comprehension of Jesus. I have heard him talk with people, and sound like a person, using inflection different than my own. I have heard people react to the things he says, kinda like, well, people would probably react to stuff.

And you know something? Conversations sound different when spoken, than when they're read back. And pages of the Bible (which might take several minutes to read, and are interrupted by headings, numbers, column breaks, footnotes) become one sort of story. One day. One afternoon. It starts to join itself together into a ... life?

I might catch some trouble for this, but when I read the sermon on the mount, it sounds like an impossible set of rules that I'm expected to analyze and apply to the way I treat other people. And how I perceive wealth.

But when I listen to it...well, I realize how utterly extreme God's Holiness is, how impossible it is for a depraved human to stand before God, and how absolutely and desperately I require a mediator who can. Amazingly enough, Jesus says he can be that mediator.

So now, rather than feeling burdened by the weight of an impossible life-code, I feel completely free to enter in behind Jesus and stand before God the Father who is absolutely perfect.

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But why would God do this?

Dread, Rights, and a Million Ways to Worship.

Sound like a lot for one posting? Yes, I am. Bold. Ambitious. Verbose. And no roaming charges apply.

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I had the worst dreams last night. I was so ashamed. I remember that I was talking to my dad, confessing, and just sobbing because I was so embarrassed.

When I awoke, my body was still tight. Tension made my neck ache, and I flipped my hands on my wrists as though trying to crack the whip. So much TENSION. My mother would worry of course that I'm not resting enough, or that I'm taking too much on right now. But that's her job (she'd tell me).

The shame I felt lingered after the dream had burnt off. I went downstairs into my little "studio" and sat down in my gold recliner (she's a real beaut'). I've long since quit with the heavy business of supplication and dignified worship at that early hour. I prefer to meditate on very short snippets. Psalms and Proverbs mostly. But sometimes, I just linger there, eyes closed, and simply concentrate on staying awake and quiet.

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Sometimes, I marvel at the scope of the human heart. Now, I recognize that the statement is so broad that it is in fact empty. But it was the best way I could verbalize the feeling I had. We try so hard. We try to achieve peace at virtually any cost. We rationalize, complicate, simplify, deny-whatever brings us a modicum of peace.

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There's a blog writer I read. I will say this about him: he is one of the most thought-filled and articulate writers I've come across in this infinity of opinion. He appears to have travelled the world in search of peace. He has arrived, thus far at an extremely complicated combination of Jesus and Buddha. I enjoy (not quite the right word, but it will suffice) reading him because he so consistently provides "thought" that appears to be so meticulously and carefully created that it bears reading. Sometimes he's hard to argue with. But the interesting thing, the thing that I notice everytime, is how badly he wants to make Jesus agree with Buddha. He cannot simply disregard Jesus, and embrace Buddhism. He needs them to come together even at the cost of taking Jesus' words and complicating them to the point of utter abstraction.

One of the tenents I see in his writing is that harmony with "the now," the space we occupy, the moment we're in, is in fact next to godliness. That embracing connectivity at it's most fundamental levels of existence is losing individuality, is losing MY trouble, MY ambitions, MY singular desire to repair and fix. It is focusing so intently on the very center of myself that I actually disappear into the cosmos.

This week he said that if we would all stop trying to fix the world, and instead focus our energies on finding that loss of individuality, that there would be so much less to fix. He also says that "injustice" is really a form of us imposing our system on somebody else's system.

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My 2 year old (who is currently un-named for the purposes of this blog) can barely speak. But even now he knows injustice. He knows when he's been wronged. He knows about rights and about violations. These are impressed into his being. I haven't taught him these things. But he knows.

You felt it when you saw the pink-jacketed little girl in Schindler's List. You remember when Forrest said to Jenny, "Is he sm-aht? or is he...(patting his own chest)..." This is not simple sentiment. It is evidence of something far greater than a hallmark card.

In the United States, there is a list of "rights" to which all people (in theory) are entitled. William Wilberforce burned up years of his life in the pursuit of abolition. Groups like EarthFirst, Greenpeace, The Salvation Army, Amnesty International all evidence the violent disdain the human heart holds for injustice, travesty and oppression.

These things are all evidence of a Creator. These things outline the image of God that is stamped into the human race. Not so much by their mission as by the fact that they even care.

How can we stare into space and postulate, or even discuss the absence of moral value? There is such an impossible conflict with how we define our place in the cosmos. We create. We strive and yearn. We long for justice at every turn. We crave power. We understand love!

HOW in the world can life be absent of meaning? How can it be worthwhile to live? There is no reason to suffer in a world that offers no reason to live THROUGH the suffering.

Our cultural milieu, and even conventional evangelicalism accepts the premise that things, properly speaking are devoid of moral value. That cars are not good or bad----they're just cars. That architecture is neither good nor bad----it's just architecture. That there are objects in our reality that have no moral value-they are neutral objects, is more than naive. It robs God of glory.

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Allow me to take a little detour. My standing with God is first and foremost determined by my acceptance and dedication to Jesus being the Son of God. But my daily sense of well-being is shaped by my perception of whether I travel in obedience to God, or in disobedience. Both find their solution in Jesus. But on the way to that solution is where I find myself. Having said all that, let's get back to the point at hand:

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I think my initial reaction to the idea of a neutral-less creation was daunting at first. It means that at every step the things that I touch and handle, the ways that I drive or choose my groceries, even the brands of coffees that I drink-- everything becomes a faith-based decision with consequences for my faith-life. Every choice appears to be an opportunity to be obedient to God, and what He values, or to be disobedient. It can be overwhelming.

But I realized today, as I mowed my lawn, that there is a flip-side to that sensation of frustration. I realized that there is more pleasure in my life as a result of the broad moral complicity of all creation. It wasn't that I could screw up my standing with God anymore. I feel a richness in living because at each step I am faced with an new opportunity to worship!

God has given us a creation that is absolutely FILLED with places to worship, songs to sing, ways to please Him. What manifold richness. What blessing. What a magnificent God...

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My whole point is this. There are people who would stand in front of me and trying to help me, would tell me that my shame is self-imposed. That there is no reason for guilt because there is no great objective truth to which I am held up and measured.

I say that yes, there is. Don't kid yourself. Creation is filled with markers and signposts that point to the overwhelming presence of Truth. And I will never measure up to it. By God's mercy, justice has been met in Jesus, and grace has been given for His sake. My shame dissolves in a pool of His blood. I just wanted you to know that. There is value to everything that is made. God made it that way. And thank God that He did.

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