We are bred to understand transactions as being equitable. Or at least two-sided if not fair. And as my cosmology glances upon these ideas, I've been challenged on a couple of different levels.
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In the last year I have transitioned from being a full-time and reasonably well-paid and respected carpenter to being a stay-at-home dad. When I was working I perceived myself as a dutiful, hard-working, value-adding member of the work force, doing my part in the "big-scheme" to add to society, to bear the man's portion of the curse in an admirable and grace-filled way. I would suffer (not silently mind you, but with dignity) the thorns, and bring home the daily bread that Our Father had provided us by my work. And giving up my employment has required me to understand myself, to identify myself, in an entirely new kind of way. That has been a challenge.
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As a child, I was taught that good behavior merits reward, respect, and privilege. That bad behavior earned punishment, reproof, and often a fine of some sort was levied and paid. MY actions would dictate and ultimately decide my fate.
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In church, I've been told that God wants me to be truthful, honest, to never cease in prayer, to always turn my cheek to my persecutors, and then to pray for them, to give up not *only* my coat, but also my shirt, and then not to ask for them back, to give freely, to give up myself, to take up my cross, to forsake my father and mother, and finally to be perfect as God is perfect.
Jesus himself tells us that no man who is angry with his brother understands God, and he will never inherit or even enter the kingdom of God.
You know, if a person didn't know any better, or investigate any deeper, he might think that these are performance expectations that must be met, and once met will be rewarded with VIP, red-carpet treatment upon arrival at "the pearly gates."
But in other recorded passages, Jesus says "my burden is easy and my yoke is light." His closest friends, who spent years of their lives sleeping under the stars with Him, sharing meals with Him, walking mile after mile with Him, tell us that we need only believe and call on His name to be saved...
Sometimes the Bible seems confusing.
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Sometimes, I think the problems, the answers, the conversations that actually happened between Jesus and the people that were constantly around Him, are so easy, so simple, so...typically human, that we can't accept them, and look past the most obvious possibilities in favor of something more...well, complicated. Something that is more befitting (danger!) divinity?
But worse than that...sometimes we make God himself, as Creator and Judge, who is holy and wholly pure, too human!
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I find it entirely too difficult to understand my *salvation* as being "free". I certainly would struggle to separate my forgiveness and good standing with a perfect God apart from my own daily actions. Lucky for me, understanding and benefitting are not symbiotic necessities.
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I actually read the bible very seldom. It's hard for me to get past it's "bookish-ness." It has over the years been too close to a text book, I'm afraid. About 3 years ago, I started listening to audio bibles, and it has transformed my faith. It has transformed my comprehension of Jesus. I have heard him talk with people, and sound like a person, using inflection different than my own. I have heard people react to the things he says, kinda like, well, people would probably react to stuff.
And you know something? Conversations sound different when spoken, than when they're read back. And pages of the Bible (which might take several minutes to read, and are interrupted by headings, numbers, column breaks, footnotes) become one sort of story. One day. One afternoon. It starts to join itself together into a ... life?
I might catch some trouble for this, but when I read the sermon on the mount, it sounds like an impossible set of rules that I'm expected to analyze and apply to the way I treat other people. And how I perceive wealth.
But when I listen to it...well, I realize how utterly extreme God's Holiness is, how impossible it is for a depraved human to stand before God, and how absolutely and desperately I require a mediator who can. Amazingly enough, Jesus says he can be that mediator.
So now, rather than feeling burdened by the weight of an impossible life-code, I feel completely free to enter in behind Jesus and stand before God the Father who is absolutely perfect.
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But why would God do this?
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