On Forgiveness, on Confession
I was in a moment of contrition this morning, listing off the litany of my spiritual ails. It grieves me of course. I was trying to accept the forgiveness of God promised in Jesus, whilst confessing sin by sin. Of course, I desire to live apart from anger, lust, gluttony, greed, etc. I think above all else, my eagerness for heaven is the eagerness to be parted from my wanderings into things that I know are wrong.
But there was a bit of cognitive dissonance- a little bit of friction as I was running down my list, and searching for that feeling of catharsis, of release, of forgiveness-ness.
God doesn’t punish the forgiven.
Everybody: say it with me now, “God does-n’t punish the for-giv-en.” Good.
Why? Because He delivered the FULL punishment for my sins to Jesus on the road leading to, and then upon the cross. And the forgiveness I received in it’s place is full, in perfect proportion to the burden that Jesus lifted from my shoulders. So the question I am lead to; does that mean that I need not ask forgiveness anymore?
I’ve begun to wonder that my life should be transformed to a life of Joy rather than remembering my sins to confess to the Father. I feel like my life isn’t enough transformed- and that can mean only one thing. I haven’t fully realized Christ in my heart, body, and strength. I have refused a portion of God’s grace.
I wonder this morning my effort to confess dutifully, and with full penitence, has hampered God’s ability to deliver me from my sin-filled-ness. Jesus didn’t come to simply remove the burden of ungodly acts from my person. He was beaten almost all the way to death, and then mercilessly stretched out on a cross and nailed down to actually change my being from a being-sin to being-right. And in accepting Him as the Son of God, born, crucified, dead, and raised up as a the first-born of the coming New Creation, I also gained a portion of that piece of the New Creation in me. That’s the Holy Spirit, and in Him I die to my being-sin and Christ is now literally in me.
I stand therefore in the very presence of God’s being. And His being is mysteriously present in my person. When my being-right collides with my being-sin, and I perform an ungodly act, there will be dissonance. There is an ontological, flesh ‘n blood, real-life collision. It is a grieving for the Holy Spirit, and there are definitely genuine consequences in my person, in my experience of God’s creation.
So what should I do? I acknowledge the fact of my failure to rely on God’s Spirit for guidance, and I acknowledge the fact that being-Christ (though only a part, not the whole) is still being formed in my heart, and that my being-sin is not fully extinguished. This is my confession. But I have no need to ask forgiveness- and God has no need to dispense yet another small morsel of forgiveness. In asking for forgiveness, doesn’t that presuppose that God must decide whether to dole it out?
God has already forgiven me. He has already done the work atonement. What is left unfinished is my actual, flesh ‘n blood, real-life transformation that removes and unworks my being-sin entirely. I will then confess my rebellion, but I shall do so as an already thoroughly forgiven being. Therefore I shall confess and give thanks that my rebellion is not held against me, and that even as it happened, was being erased from my histories.
From now on- I will float in the ocean of forgiveness that is around me, under me, and saturates my person. I am forgiven. Sometimes I shake my head, and the water flies away from me, but never do I lift out of the wave.
