... [he told me] that he knew his obligation to love God in all things, and as he endeavored so to do, he had no need of a director to advise him, but that he needed very much a confessor to absolve him. That he was he was very sensible of his faults, but not discouraged by them; that he confessed them to God, but did not plead against Him to excuse them. When he had so done, he peaceably resumed his usual practice of love and adoration.
-from Conversations and Letters of Nicholas Herman; Brother Lawrence on the Practice of the Presence of God
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I’m sketchy on the details, but I have this thing that the center of the Christian faith has to be forgiveness. I know, I know, the apostle Paul says its the resurrection. And yeah, I know he wrote like HALF of the New Testament. But if it’s not forgiveness, I’m pretty sure I’d like to just stay dead. If that’s alright with everybody. I mean its probably not. But just for the record.
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It amazes me how hard it is to get my head around. Forgiveness that is genuine, and that it is complete. That the end of forgiveness isn’t back to “0” –even-stephen-try-not-to-mess-it-up-again. It’s like +100! We’re counted righteous for someone else’s righteous act, and that’s impossible (nearly!) for me to really comprehend. And for what?
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This guy I quoted- Brother Lawrence, was a cook. Well, that was his vocation. I don’t get the sense that he particularly liked cooking so he became a cook. He was a veteran, and retired to a monastery if I have my facts right. He ended up in the kitchen. So he sort of left one army, where he was a slave to command, only to join up in another army, and another commander. But he was determined that God’s providence had placed him there, and so, there he would be.
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I never wanted to be a carpenter really. I’d always wanted to be a musician. I accepted the possibility that I could possibly be a scholar, a member of the academic class in perpetuity. That seemed like a distant possibility. But when it was time to decide, my heart wasn’t really in that. So there I was, in a 400- maybe 600 square foot apartment, on the second floor, southfacing side of a building, with two other guys, and NO air conditioning. Or money. Or food. And not a clue to my name. All I knew is that God wasn’t sending me any signals that I was supposed to go anywhere else. Just. Here.
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10 years later… (imagine the bat-man tv show music when they change scenes-you know, the trumpets…)
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Being a rockstar is too hard. At least as a carpenter I know where I am when I wake up. Every single morning. And who this is in bed with me. And during the day, I know exactly why I’m busting it in this tin hot-house, sucking dust, and pulling splinters. I guess I’m not that bad at being a carpenter. I’m not that great, but it’s paying the bills, and I like it as it turns out. (but I still love playing music).
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So, Brother Lawrence- he says it takes diligence, but after a while, after practice and perseverance, his persistence in conversation with God excites his heart. It stirs him. And now, he says, I consider everything as for the love of God. I pick up a piece of straw- it is for the love of God. I serve food, for the love of God. He somehow has found a place where everything he does starts and ends with service and satisfaction to God. He says at one point, “that [I] desired to be received into a monastery… so [I] should sacrifice to God… [my] life and it’s pleasures; but God had disappointed him, he having met with nothing but satisfaction in that state.” Right. Everybody follow along? Yeah, me too. What I think he’s saying, around the tongue in his cheek is that he thought service to God was supposed to be miserable and martyr like servanthood. You know, scraping the ends off your fingers, wearing holes through your knees. Yeah- Christian service? But he has found satisfaction! God has pleased his heart as he served. Somehow, for Larry here, doing things with his mind on God, rather than the recipient of his effort, gave him extra satisfaction- sufficient to continue doing it his whole life. And it all had to do with prayer. And as I can see it, his freedom to live with God in prayer was built on the lynchpin of feeling free. Feeling truly forgiven.
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I think that sounds quite nice. I’d like one of those, please. What did the guest say after watching Sally try her salad? “I’ll take what she’s having…”
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I think Brer Larry understood something about forgiveness that I don’t quite have yet. Forgiveness doesn’t end at the ability to stand before God and not fear condemnation. It creates joy. It builds a foundation for a weightless kind of joy that just… gives. It continually offers. And without any expectation for remuneration- it’s like a water source- it only really goes one way. Or light. Scripture is filled with images of radiance, light, overflowing water, and abundance. This is the blessed life. I’m not talking Christmas cheery, holiday shmeery “tis better to give than to receive!” nonsense. I’m talking a giving that isn’t giving- it’s just the way it’s moving.
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But I believe the blessed life is still more. I would love for it to be individualized. We each get our own little totem pole to sit on, and meditate on the goodness of God, the beauty of providence, and the fullness of joy. Alas. I don’t read about totem poles in Eden. Or Revelation. Just cities, gardens, and … people.
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Shalom. We know it to mean “peace be with you.” But it is so much more than “peace, love, dope, man…” It’s more than “end the war.” It’s more than “disarm.” It’s … turning weapons of war and mass production into implements of agriculture and the husbandry of the earth. It’s lions and lambs laying down together. It’s a small boy sticking his hand into a viper’s nest and giggling because they wiggle.
God’s shalom is a peaceable kingdom. God’s law is the closest man can come on his own. Given our inability that’s not very far into the breadth of His kingdom. But Jesus comes. What is the message of his Gospel? “The Kingdom of Heaven is near.” This is the kindness God has shown- rather than destroy what he has made, he repairs, restores, and rebuilds, making all things new again. Including the way we talk and live together. Not just with God, but with each other.
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The Church is called to live aggressive shalom. We are not a place for people to come to. We are a people to go out. We are not a sanctified enclave. We are covert operatives, pressing peace into the hands of those we brush against. One of these days, someone will press peace into a man’s hand, and he will turn and say, “what is this?” Have an answer. We wait for the question. But Brother Larry leads them to ask. “Why are you enjoying that lame job so much? Why is it so easy for you?”
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and he said [he] confessed [his failures] to God, but did not plead against Him to excuse them. When he had so done, he peaceably resumed his usual practice of love and adoration.
