Who Am I?

Who Am I?

I re-read a story recorded in a historical account of Jesus’ life, death and resurrection known commonly referred to as Luke’s gospel. I had read it earlier this week, and when I sat down this morning to read, it was still there- so I went ahead and read it again.

Jesus has been invited to dine with one of the many Pharisees. Jesus, accepting the invitation goes to the Pharisees house, and while they are eating, a woman, known to be a prostitute, comes and interrupts their meal, crying and carrying on, and anointing Jesus’ feet with her tears, and then wiping them dry with her hair.

The Pharisee, “Jonah” let’s call him, sees and recognizes the woman at Jesus’ feet, and is more than a little perturbed to see this teacher, this prophet, this man who claims to be the Son of God, allowing himself to be defiled by the touch of an unclean person. “Surely, were this man a prophet of God, were He the SON OF GOD, this woman’s uncleanness would be offensive to God’s Holiness!”

In Joe’s mind, the Holiness of God, and the holy ground He stood upon, absolutely sacrosanct. Non-debatable. People had been struck by fire, swallowed by the earth, and just plain fallen to the ground dead because they had defiled God’s presence somehow with corruption, wrongdoing, or sin.

Jesus tells a story to his listeners then, of a money-lender who has two clients about to default on their respective loans. One of them owes 500 denarii, and the other owes only 50. The lender has compassion on them both, and forgives the loans. “When forgiven,” Jesus asks, “which of them will love the lender more?” It’s obvious, isn’t it? “The one who is forgiven much will love much, and he who has been forgiven little, loves little,” Jesus answers.

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Earlier this week, when I read this story the first time, my thoughts were of Jesus, and how I, in contrast, in an attempt to keep my ways righteous, have tended to isolate myself from people or things that are opposed to what I perceive as “right” or “God-honoring.” And how Jesus was secure enough in the righteousness of God to be unafraid. To boldly reach out to someone who was in need of him, unafraid of how their ways or ideas or habits might disrupt his own.

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A good friend of mine has a special gift for putting you, as a listener, into the scene of the Bible. When he tells a story from the Bible, he describes it as if we were both standing there, one level removed from the central characters- supporting cast, or extras in the scene.

So I imagined myself there, around the table, watching this social train-wreck as it unfolds, horribly awkward, and unstoppable, as this whore walks into the preacher’s dining room uninvited, and unwelcome, and starts crying, all the while coming closer and closer to the guest of honor.

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Who am I? As Jesus tells the story, and I listen to him, who am I? Am I the one who has been forgiven little? And therefore, likely loves little? Me with my isolationist, puritanical rules, stubbornness... is that me? But when I am alone, I know my secrets. I know my terrible moments, my inward thoughts, and even the things I’ve dared to say out loud. I know my boasting and my pride. I feel like I’ve been forgiven an awful lot. So... where’s the love? Where’s the compassion, grace, and gentleness, which I’ve been so graciously shown?

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So this morning, my prayer was short. “God, if I have been forgiven little, thank you for keeping me in your presence, in your will, on your path. Please increase my love for people. But God, if indeed, I have been forgiven a great deal- show me the darkness of my inclination, so that I may go forward feeling a greater depth of gratitude. Make me more like your version of me.”

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