So, here's the deal: as many of you know, we've been in an ongoing struggle with the powers of darkness in an effort to sell our home (which we DEARLY love, and HATE to part with) so that we could buy a particular small farm near Suga' Momma's parents' house in the rolling hills of Madison Co. Well, last week, we found a buyer. Or rather, they found us through a rather serendipitous course of events. I believe with all the certainty I can muster that God reached down with His hand and guided that beautiful couple to our front door.
It was with great excitement that we (me and Suga' Momma) went to the owners of the farm to present our now very serious offer. And it was with disappointment that matched or exceeded our prior excitement that we left, rejected.
So what now?
...
We have 3 options at this point. Settle with the current owners of the OK Corral, and move into a place that we had been looking forward to for the past year in spite of its MANY significant flaws (front door opens into...living room? No. Kitchen. Lovely. And the fake formica dark oak paneling in the living room is quite charming to boot). Or we rent an apartment/townhouse/condo/whatever for a period of time, and either wait for circumstances to change (no, not like having a BABY this month or anything like that! More like, sellers of said farm repent of their mean-ness, or new property comes on market, or we BUILD a custom house). Or we turn away divinely inspired couple who appears to love our house almost as much as we do.
Well, we've opted to pray. God has blessed us so richly in the past that we have full confidence that He will provide again and again. We've been for the last 2 days driving gravel roads, up and down, and back again. Looking for a sign (in a manner of speaking). The endless, dusty gravel roads of Iowa's rural counties are where I ALWAYS go looking for a sign from God. I mean, where else would you go? "Is this ... heaven?" "No. It's Iowa."
...
I wonder though sometimes. Jesus spent a great deal of time alone in prayer. The disciples, his friends, must have felt great frustration at times. They wake up, people start asking questions-they must have looked at each other a few times, at that early hour, and wonder if the heat had finally gotten to him and he just left in the night.
The scriptures say that Jesus was tempted in every way, feeling everything that we feel; that he was human and understands our weakness. I remember when somebody suggested to me that Jesus had suffered stomach flu, and how repulsed I was by the notion of my Savior kneeling over a bucket and getting puke in his beard. Or worse. But it has to be true. Doesn't it? We sort of forget that he was a human, in a human body.
But here's where it gets a little murky for me. Do you suppose he prayed as we do? Do you suppose he ever sat on his little stump, or rock, or whatever, and just prayed words out into the air, and wondered, "Is there anybody out there listening?"
Being human, I would have to say, sure. Sure he did. But being sinless, I have to wonder if that defined his prayer life more so than his being human. The consequence of sin in OUR lives is that we suffer alienation from God's certain communion. Our salvation diminishes that alienation by degrees as we are justified through faith. But it is not fully conquered until we are fully justified, which is so far off, it seems. At times anyways.
So that leaves me to wonder...did Jesus ever just kneel and ask God, "Are you really out there?" And then his perfect faith compelled him to believe-his belief being different than a scientific sort of knowledge, empirically driven and verified. But belief IS a kind of knowing. It is a faith-based knowing. It is not solely empirical. I don't know.
God, I know You're out there. It is a belief-based kind of knowing. It is my faith. But sometimes I don't know what I'm hearing, or who I'm listening too. Shout in my ear, father. Maybe I'll catch it this time.
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