Hear now what Holy Scripture doth teach as touching the duty of husbands to their wives and of wives to their husbands.Husbands love your wives even as Christ also loved the Church and gave Himself for it that He might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the Word. So ought men to love their wives as their
own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself.
For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother and shall be joined unto his wife and they two shall be one flesh...
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Dale,
Well, its been just over a week since we last met. And really, we didn't talk, and that's understandable, it being that you were the man of the day, and I was just there to watch. Congratulations by the way, and I must say, the white tux was a pretty ballsy move. But I think you guys looked great.
The statement I quoted from above has been jingling around in my pocket, like a mostly full change-purse and a key ring. My dad used to carry so much stuff around, all the time. At any given time, he'd have a small hair comb, his wallet, a small coin purse, another little black leather purse which produced his key ring, finger nail clippers, a calculator, a matching pen and pencil set, a checkbook-I think that's about it. And that was before cell phones and iPods. He might have carried a cell phone if he'd lived long enough, but I highly doubt he'd have gone all the way for an iPod.
Anyways, I'm getting off track. All week that snippet from your wedding liturgy has been clanging around in my pocket like my dad's coin purse.
You and I-we've agreed to lay down our lives, as Christ did for the Church eternal. We agree so easily, eh? How many men, like you and me, have agreed to lay down our lives, imagining firing squads, or burning houses, or lifeboats with just one seat left?
Jesus died for the sake of the Church. Yes. He gave up his life. But I've begun to rethink the phrase "lay down your life." I haven't known anyone who literally died to save his wife. I hope I never do. But I realized, as I was listening to you and your lovely recite your vows last week, that laying down your life happens well before the firing squad lines up. And it's way harder than staring down a bullet.
I guess I wanted to tell you what laying down my life has looked like. And I really think that laying down your life at the altar of your marriage will make you the happiest man on earth...
Laying down my life. Hmm. In the the apostle Paul's letter to the Philippians, he says the Jesus made himself obedient to death, even death on a cross. Similar to the statement that we (husbands must lay down our life) make on the altar of our marriage, I think we've looked past the foreground for the harshness of the background. I've come to think that while yes, it's a true statement that Jesus made himself subject to the death on the cross, what is MORE true is that he made himself obedient to God, every time, each decision, every step of the way, knowing that the social and legal penalties imposed upon him by the institutions of human power grew more and more severe-he remained obedient to God's will, each time, even when the next penalty was the most socially abhorrent and disgusting kind of death imaginable. I've come to think of my marriage in a similar manner.
Ok. When you've stopped laughing I'll go ahead and make my disclaimer. NO, my marriage is not the most socially abhorrent and disgusting kind of death imaginable. Ok. Well, we've all had a good chuckle over that.
What I mean, is that laying down my life for my wife, as Christ laid down his for the Church, looks similar in that each step, each moment, each little decision goes through different filters than it used to. I used to ask myself, what will this decision benefit me? What will it cost me? Will the pleasure I receive outweigh the cost to myself? Etcetera, etcetera, etcetera. I think you understand what I mean.
Laying down my life has come to mean that those filters have become obsolete in a sense. My new lenses, or filters to continue the metaphor, have more to do with the cost to my wife, and my boys. And the benefits that they will receive. I'm speaking very non-specifically. I apologize for that. In my first draft of this letter, I listed off a few things that I think of when I think of sacrifice. Problem is, not everybody values everything the same. And viewed from the wrong perspective, it looks like a list of things that my wife has made me give up. And that's exactly wrong. They are things that I've laid aside because my wife, and my family are of greater importance and value.
So instead, I'll simply tell you that laying down your life is not what you think. It can be much, much harder. It's not the crushing boulder. It's the constant drip of pebbles. What?! Sounds painful? Sounds like a nuisance? That's not what marriage should sound like!
Yeah, you're right. That's sin for you. But God blesses the sacrifice. You lay down your life, and He will open her eyes so that she'll see it. And it will make her so happy to be married to you that you will never. ever. regret it. And that is what will make you the happiest man on earth. Take my word for it. Someday you will start thinking to yourself, "how could I have ever been so fortunate that I can spend my mortal life with this beautiful girl?" and "how unbelievable that eternity with her in God's perfect new world is even BETTER?!"
Yeah. That's what I think.
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