Mark 10:9 6“But at the beginning of creation God ‘made them male and female.’ 7‘For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, 8and the two will become one flesh.’ So they are no longer two, but one. 9Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate.”
Matthew 19:4-6 4“Haven’t you read,” he replied, “that at the beginning the Creator ‘made them male and female,’ 5and said, ‘For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh’? 6So they are no longer two, but one. Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate.”
Genesis 2:18 18Then the LORD God said, “It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him.”
---
I have the greatest friends. Some of them have little ugly warts. Some of them have huge honkin ones. Most of us have some of both.
Some of us have achieved a high level of success using various techniques to disguise and hide them. But when the kids are all in bed, the sun’s gone down, and the drinks are leaving rings on the table- during that seven-minute lull in the conversation during that short silence- we look at each other- and we all know what’s what and who’s crap belongs to who.
So we talk about it.
---
Why do we hold our marriages as sacrosanct? We say “divorce is not an option,” but we all know people who’ve said that... we say “marriage is for life” or we say, we’ll “make it work.” But why?
It occurred to me as we were talking once- the fella used that phrase, “make it work,” and at some other point in the conversation, said something about “her going and doing her thing while I...” and I drifted off to my thinking room while he kept going. (don’t worry, I was recording the discussion in my mind- for quality assurance purposes).
Do we “make it work” because God has declared that what He hath joined, no man should separate (Mark 10:9)? Do we battle through because of the threat of being an “adulterer”? Is that why?
If it is, my fear is that we’re respecting the law only because it’s the law- and this was the sin of the Pharisees. It was for this reason that Jesus could not be the Lord of the Pharisees. And it is for this that God’s desire to be a father is so frequently lost in the awesome fear of a Holy, Righteous Judge.
As we talked, I began to connect some points in my mind. A marriage that is held together only by the bonds of law is no marriage. They are already divorced.
But in Jesus, on the cross, the full punishment was dealt for all sin. In Jesus, we gain son-ship- and our Holy, Righteous Judge regains His place- as our Father.
And our Father paired us with our husbands and our wives because they designed to match our needs through our lives! Because He gives us every good thing. She is God’s very best for me! And he knows my heart!
He is God’s very best for you. That’s why they should not be separated.
---
A word- that doesn’t mean that abusive situations should be tolerated. It doesn’t mean that sin should go unchallenged, or unchanged. While God has designed for each other, and is able to make all things turn out for good- that also requires the mutual submission and repentance of the entire marriage. If you are experiencing the kind of turmoil that wrecks our homes and marriages- WORK IT OUT. Don’t be afraid to separate for awhile. Seek shelter in the shadow of God while you rebuild broken trust, broken faith, and broken hearts.
And it may come to pass that you are not able to reconcile before God.
Men, treat your wife with adoration, and serve her every need, and love her, before she has deserved it. Care for her heart, show desire to protect her. Not because she’s helpless, weak or simple. But because you treasure her above all other people.
Women, respect your husbands, and show them that they are amazing, because you know who they are, even if that’s not who they are yet. God is building him through your words, your heart, and through your willingness to respect and believe in him.
This, I believe is what God intends for our marriages. Not that we tolerate each other out of reverence for God, but that we grow each other in adoration both for her AND for God- out of gratitude and hope- for the purpose of the kingdom, and the joy of our fulfillment.
For the Lord said, before sin or anything had been corrupted, that “it is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit[ted] for him.”
